Was hoping my arm was broken during World Cup: Glenn Maxwell reveals why he wished for an 'easy escape'
Mental exhaustion took such a toll on Glenn Maxwell that the Australian all-rounder wanted his "arm to be broken" during the 2019 World Cup , hoping it might be an "easy escape" from international cricket as he was in desperate need for an opportunity .
The 31-year-old, who had taken an opportunity from international cricket last October for issues associated with psychological state , on Wednesday opened about his struggles with depression.
Maxwell recalled a net session before Australia's World Cup match against South Africa where he and Shaun Marsh were both struck on the arms while batting.
"I knew he (Marsh) was in trouble when he came in, and immediately I felt bad for him. I just thought I hope he's OK, and if anything, I wish we could swap our news (suspecting Marsh'' arm was broken)," Maxwell said within the Ordineroli Speaking podcast with Neroli Meadows.
"We visited the hospital together and that we were both sitting there, i feel both hoping for opposite news. once I got hit, i used to be angry and a neighborhood of me hoped (my arm) was broken.
"I was like 'this is it, I just need a break'... i used to be brooding about things I could do on the way back to snap it. I had anger at people and it didn't add up , but i used to be angry at myself for not having the ability to supply in the least this World Cup .
"I thought it would've been a simple escape because I felt like i used to be getting to get dropped at some stage and that i thought maybe this is often the way."
Maxwell had played a Twenty20 series in October against Sri Lanka and he recalled how he wasn't enjoying anything despite an honest show with the bat.
"I batted so well, I got 60-odd off but 30 (balls) and barely missed the center ...but didn't really enjoy any of it," he said.
"You're taking down a world attack and just not enjoying any little bit of it."
He had taken a psychological state break after Australia took an unassailable 2-0 lead within the series.
Talking about how he divulged it to his team, Maxwell said: "I was close to announce it to the group, that they had no idea what was happening , I didn't even tell (Aaron) Finchy. I didn't want them to be distracted by what was happening with me.
"I went over to him (Finch) and said 'I'm done, I'm getting to have a touch of your time off', and he said he noticed something was up. Once I told him, he was like, 'brave decision, well done'.
"Once everyone left, I broke down into tears, it had been more...that was the primary time I showed any emotion...since the planet Cup," he said.
Despite getting all the support from his teammates, Maxwell said the primary few days after he took the break were tough.
"Those next two or three days were probably the worst I'd had within the next six months," Maxwell said.
"As very much like support was great, it had been also so confronting...I wanted to travel further into my little hole and not begin . I felt like i used to be letting tons of individuals down, I felt like i used to be taking an easy-out, I didn't know what i used to be doing," he said.
Maxwell eventually returned to captain the Melbourne Stars and was named within the BBL's team of the tournament.